I have been thinking about this blog for months now. It’s been so hard to bring myself to write this, partly because it’s emotional and partly because I can’t possibly fathom how to sum up the last year of my life.
Happy Halloween!!!
It’s one of my favorite days of the year, by far! When I got pregnant, one of the first things I pondered was what the dogs and the baby were going to be for Halloween. If you’ve been following my work for a while then you know that every year we do a fun shoot with the dogs in costume. More often than not, my mom and I end up making their costumes. Here’s my blog post from Halloween two years ago and last year, our shoot was epic because it wasn’t just Halloween, it was our pregnancy announcement (see that blog here). So this year, I was wracking my brain on what I could do with the three of them, how I would find time to make their costumes and get this post up all during my busiest time of the year. Sometimes I wonder why I decide to do this to myself every year but it’s totally worth it….
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As our week in the NICU was coming to an end, I decided to stop ignoring the physical problems I was having. After delivery, my knees down to my toes started to retain SO much water. The nurses said it was normal and it would go down within a couple of weeks, but the swelling kept getting worse. I chalked it up to all of the walking I was doing going to the NICU and not having the chance to elevate my legs or rest….
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The day after Atlas was born started off okay. More family came to visit and Lou and I tried to soak in all of the time with our new little guy, trying to get to know him. By the evening time, I noticed a change in Atlas. His skin was getting incredibly red and splotchy and he was growing more and more fussy. I thought that maybe he was having trouble breastfeeding, so I saw two different lactation nurses that day. They assured me that I was doing great. By the time night rolled around, Atlas was inconsolable. He was screaming and screaming and screaming. No matter what I did or what Lou did, nothing was helping him. We googled everything we could to find out what could be the problem. We thought maybe it was witching hour, but he continued on into the night. Mentally, I was as broken down as I was physically. There’s not a worse feeling in the world than when your baby is in distress and you can’t do a single thing to make it better. I felt completely awful….
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